I was feeling very discombobulated last week. Serving on jury duty in the middle of Long Island meant I had a two-hour commute every morning and evening. I would leave home at 7 a.m. and not return until almost 7 p.m. For some people, this might describe a normal day. Regardless, it is a long day and doesn’t leave much time, if any, for self-care, exercise, etc. Up until my first week of jury duty, I had been cherishing the fact that I was finally making self-care a routine part of my day. I recently experienced a mental shift: instead of dreading yoga, I was looking forward to going to classes twice a week. So two weeks of not having time for this (or any exercise) left me feeling very frazzled and anxious.
By the time I got home at the end of last week, I realized I was experiencing emotions I hadn’t had in almost 6 weeks. Nothing seemed to sate my overwhelming feelings—I wanted to eat garbage and didn’t care what it tasted like. I tried a few bites of several different things but nothing seemed to fill the void. That should have been my first sign that something was off. I felt like a foreigner in my own body. I thought some mindless television might do the trick, but I tried a few of my favorite sitcoms and that didn’t numb the pain either. It’s a very helpless sensation when you can’t figure out what it is you need in a specific moment. It’s like trying to figure out what a crying baby needs, but you’re the baby and you feel like you should know what your 38-year-old self needs or wants. I eventually curled up in bed with a book and decided to take some deep breaths to quiet my mind.
I reminded myself that the crazy two weeks were over and that my normal schedule would resume next week. I really wanted to beat myself up for feeling so thrown-off after just two weeks of not having any free time. But I stopped myself. Given the circumstances, I think I did a pretty good job of staying centered. I ate healthy and focused on maintaining a positive outlook despite the horrible things I was listening to every day in the courtroom. I went to yoga class Saturday morning and, man, was it hard. I felt a lot of anger doing many of the poses, but I told myself I was detoxifying all of the feelings from the previous two weeks. I let the anger rise to the surface and then watched it disappear. And that is one of the things I love so much about yoga: it forces you to stay present and not react to feelings as they arise. By the time class was over, I felt reset and ready for the weekend.
I love Nutella, and believe it would taste good on or in almost any baked good, so I was eager to try this recipe. It’s another one from the Baked cookbook. I’ve had much success with the recipes of theirs I’ve tried thus far, so I was confident that this would be yet another recipe victory. However, I thought these were just mediocre. Although, my disclaimer is that I’m not a huge scone fan so that might be part of it. Mr. K, on the other hand, loves these scones. He thinks I am crazy for giving them a so-so rating. Perhaps they just needed to be slathered with a bit more Nutella and I would have come around on these. Let me know what you think!
Nutella Scones
Adapted from Baked Explorations
Yield: 6 to 8 scones
2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup dark unsweetened cocoa powder
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
6 tablespoons (3/4 stick) cold unsalted butter, cut into chunks
1 large egg
1/2 cup heavy cream
3/4 cup toasted hazelnuts, coarsely chopped
1/2 cup Nutella
1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F and place the rack in the center. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
2. In a large bowl, whisk the flour, sugar, cocoa powder, baking powder, and salt until combined.
3. Add the butter. Use your fingertips to rub it into the flour until the butter is pea size and the mixture is coarse.
4. In a separate bowl, whisk together the egg and cream.
5. Slowly pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and stir until the dough just comes together. Gently and briefly knead the dough with your hands. Add the toasted hazelnuts and knead gently to incorporate.
6. Flatten the dough into a rectangle approximately 6 to 12 inches and spread 1/4 cup of the Nutella on top in a crisscross pattern. Roll the dough up to make a cylinder about 6 inches long, turn it on its end, and gently flatten it into a disk about 1 3/4 inches high. Do not overwork the dough.
7. Cut the dough into 6 or 8 wedges and place them on the prepared baking sheet.
8. Bake the scones for 18 to 20 minutes, rotating the baking sheet halfway through, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a scone comes out clean. Do not overbake.
9. Transfer the scones to a wire rack to cool completely.
Assemble the Nutella Scones
1. Heat the remaining 1/4 cup Nutella in a microwave until pourable, about 10 seconds on high.
2. Pierce the tops of the scones a few times with a fork. Use a spoon to drip the warm Nutella in a zigzag pattern over the tops of the hot scones.
3. Transfer them to a refrigerator to set for 5 minutes, then serve immediately.
Mr. K and I have been trying to conceive for almost a year now. Anyone who has struggled with this knows that it can be an emotional rollercoaster. At our highest point, we were ecstatic with the news that I was officially pregnant (I miscarried six weeks later), and our lowest point was my 3-day hospitalization from a procedure that went horribly wrong. And there have been many numb days in between. When we first started trying, we were extremely confident that it wouldn’t take us long to become pregnant. I’m sure that’s what everyone thinks in the beginning. And although we remain cautiously optimistic (my husband likes using that phrase), we have had many discussions about what our lives might look like if we aren’t successful: We’ll travel more! We can move to another country! We’ll get a dog! Or a cat! And yet.
And yet I can’t help but wonder about everything we will miss out on if it turns out we can’t have kids. I know, I know, there are pros and cons to both lifestyles. And part of me is still scared to death to have children. I have read so many articles about parents being less happy than childless couples, marriages being strained due to kids, and financial stress due to all of the added expenses of raising a child. And yet. You can’t fight biology. I want to have a child. I was listening to a Slate podcast on parenting last week (iTunes started downloading this podcast onto my computer a few weeks ago and I didn’t question it) and one of the hosts was talking about her nightly routine. She stated that between the hours of 6 and 9 p.m. it was complete chaos in her house. Dinner has to be made, homework has to be supervised, baths have to be given, stories have to be read, and then bedtime arrives. As stressful as all of it sounded, I found myself wanting that chaos in my life. I thought to myself, “What are all of us childless adults doing with our time?” It all just seemed so pointless without kids in the picture. Ok, maybe not pointless. But I definitely have days when it all feels meaningless. There’s just something about living for another human being that sounds so freeing. You can’t be stuck in your head all day long when you have a child to take care of. As Louis C.K. once said, “There’s no time for depression when you have kids.” Ok, there must be a little time.
Why have I never made homemade Nutella before? It’s sooooo easy, dear readers! I have loved Nutella ever since first discovering it while studying abroad in England. I think I’ve eaten my weight in banana-Nutella crepes over the years. But guess what? This version is EVEN BETTER. Without additives and chemicals masking the flavor, the milk chocolate and hazelnuts are much more intense. And it doesn’t have that waxy residue that the store-bought stuff has. With Valentine’s Day coming up, this would make a nice homemade gift. Your Valentine will be forever grateful.
Homemade Nutella